The Only Things that are Certain in Life are Death, Taxes, ( and two I would like to add.)

They say the only things in life that are certain are death and taxes. I would like to add two things to that list: God and Time flying by. For we Christians, Jesus is a given. He is always there for us. He is the almighty, never changing. We can always count on the Bible being the same and therefore His word being there for us as a guidebook.

In addition, as a woman who some may consider "middle aged" (yikes), I can absolutely count on time going way too fast. As a child I thought Christmas would never get here, never. Now it seems to always BE Christmas. Yes it is time to worry about getting those Christmas cards out again, figuring out what to get the kids and how much to spend, who to give gifts to, making cookies, managing Christmas party schedules, getting out the decorations, lights, wrapping, ................any woman knows exactly what I mean. Doesn't it seem like women get the lion's share of the Christmas responsibilities? How did that happen? I would love a Christmas where I could buy no gifts and just go to church and focus on the real meaning of Christmas, but that is a whole other blog subject. The point is that it is that time again and it ALWAYS seems to come around again too fast! How can years be melting away so quickly?

I honestly sometimes feel like I am still college aged. The other night I was watching a biography on Billy Joel. They showed a video clip of "Uptown Girl" - remember Friday Night Videos? That song was popular when I was a college Freshman pledging Delta Gamma. It brought me back to a road trip our pledge class took to Penn State. The video was on during this party we were having with a Fraternity there. I could so clearly remember the layout of the fraternity house, the temperature (cold), the smells (well fraternity houses always smell like beer), the guys (they were all short for some reason), and "Uptown Girl" was on Friday Night Videos. Now wasn't that just yesterday? It seems like it was.

I was transported to a short time ago when Billy Joel (the coolest dude ever) was married to the most beautiful female on the planet, Christy Brinkley. They seemed to be the perfect couple. There was something hopeful and exciting knowing that an uptown girl would marry a downtown guy. Life seemed to have endless possibilities. I still want a life I consider filled with endless possibilities, maybe that is why I can get back to that place, so easily.

Last month I went to my son's fraternity house for parent's weekend. Again, how can this be? Am I actually the parent here? While standing in line for the meal that was served, I felt like I could have been a sorority girl. It's funny how time goes by so quickly, but things never change. Even though we were at the University of Florida, not the college I graduated from, James Madison University in Virginia, it was the same: the smells, the activities (involving beer and ping pong), the deep bonds and friendships between the brothers, the comfortable feeling, the relaxed atmosphere. For a few hours I was back in college - maybe in a different role, but I was back.

Yes, time flies, but there are things you can always count on.

Housecleaning: An Uphill Battle

I don't know if it is just me, but when people walk into my house, I worry about what they think. Will they notice the dog and cat hair that has formed a ball and is floating around my hardwood floors?. If they need to use the restroom, will there be pee or heaven forbid poop stains on the toilet? What about the dirty dishes in the sink, the kitty litter smell, the windows that haven't been washed in years, the dust............what about the dust???

I think that at least some of my friends have this same issue. Many times when I walk into someone's house, they immediately start apologizing for the mess (which I don't even see). The funny thing is, that I honestly don't care what my friends' houses look like. I don't spend nearly enough time with my friends and when I walk into their houses, I am just thinking about how great it is to be there with them. Does this help me and my personal insecurities? Not at all!!!! I really need to get over it.

The sadly ironic part of this whole dilemma is that if my house happens to be dirty, 99.9999999 percent of the time it is not my fault! Why is it that how our house looks always reflects on the wife/mother? I am a very neat person, my beloved family................well not so much. For example, my kids tend to leave drinks all over the house. It is insane. Glasses....cups.......some empty, some full..........in the bedrooms, in the bathroom, upstairs, kitchen, family room, garage.......you name it. You can always tell where they have been. Added to the joy of this is the cat who tends to enjoy knocking these drinks (typically sodas) over! Rug Stain! Once I found a dirty bowl and a spoon in the bathroom cabinet upstairs. I am still not sure what happened there.

No one but a mom can know how much work our beloved pets are. Cat hair, dog hair, kitty litters, hair balls, poop & pee accidents............who do you think takes care of this in most homes? Roseanne once said that the definition of a mother is someone who cleans other people's poop and doesn't get paid for it! I tend to think of that often for some reason.

So what is the point of all of this? I for one, need to get over it! Housewives and moms as a whole need to not judge any other mom\wife on how clean her house is. If you really need to judge, place the blame where the blame is due: pets, kids, and husbands! If we all band together, we can overcome.

Keeping it Real

I have always considered myself a shy person. I feel comfortable not being the center of attention and enjoy observing people and how they act in different situations. When I was a child it always irritated me that adults  could be in a bad mood at home, but when the phone rang they became, what seemed like, very pleasant and friendly.  My grandmother was the beautiful Southern Belle who morphed into a completely different person when other people were around. Her voice, her expressions, her body movements - completely changed when friends were around. As a teenager, I despised this! I couldn't believe how fake she could be!!! (as a side note, I now realize and appreciate who she was and absolutely adore her and her memory. I honestly miss her and her Southern kindness and love every single day). But, at the time, she drove me nuts. I vowed to not be a fake person and try and act the same around my family as I do around friends. This of course is impossible, but I think I am on the "non fake" end of the spectrum.

Anyone who has been around Erik and me for any length of time has probably seen us bicker about things. Anyone who has been in a Bible study or Life Group with me knows I have some personal struggles. I don't hold back or try to give the impression of a person who has no flaws. I like this quality in other people as well.  I can relate to people who aren't perfect. Have you ever gotten one of those Christmas card newsletters and wanted to slit your own throat? Stories of beautiful people with beautiful, smart, athletic, successful and flawless children. I have come away from some of those letter thinking - "wow, in comparison, my life sucks". After a few moments I realize that this letters typically represent families who are trying to convince themselves that they have perfect lives and perfect children. News FLASH - no one does!

In this blog I have been very honest about my struggles to try and be a good parent. I have been honest about the issues my family deals with and my own insecurities. Yesterday I received a seething facebook message about how hurtful my blog must be to my children. This person couldn't seem to hold back the anger towards me anymore. It made me question myself and this blog. The last thing in the world I would want to do is hurt my children. My main goal in life was always to be a mother and I love my kids with all my heart. I would honestly die for each one of them. They have been shown love, respect, care, and kindness in this home. I really don't want to try and defend my parenting, because that is not the point.

The goal of this blog is to "be Real", to reach out to other parents who may have some of the same struggles and issues. I could write a blog about how beautiful, smart, talented and wonderful my children are - and I truly believe they are, but who would learn anything from that or be comforted by that? As I am considering continuing with this blog or not, I would truly appreciate any positive feedback and reluctantly accept any negative feedback (LOL).

A Mohawk.....REALLY?

With teenagers, I have learned, you need to choose your battles....do I hear an amen? When Erik and I first talked about having children we boldly declared that no child of OURS would have a piercing, dress weird or have an (what we deemed) inappropriate haircut. We simply wouldn't allow it.

Well with raising a teenager there are much bigger issues to face. A few "challenges" we have had to deal with include lying, having girlfriends in the house alone, skipping school, and having a planned fight appear on YouTube. Oh yeah, and the first day my oldest got his driver's license, he drove to St. Petersburg, an hour away via Interstate 75, to purchase an Xbox from a guy he met on the Internet (still can't get over that one). Thank goodness nothing bad happened. These are all things I never planned to deal with because, well remember? MY teenagers would be perfectly well behaved......they were related to me after all. To steal a phrase from Virgina Slims, "I have come a long way baby". All of the above issues and incidents involved a lot of yelling, arguing, punishment enforcement, and tears (from me).

Last year my middle child came to us wanting to get his ears pierced. I said "no way", but I would let his dad decide. Well, Erik assumed he meant one ear. IN OUR DAY, two ear piercings were unheard of at least in the conservative suburbs of Washington, D.C....... 

Erik caved. He agreed to one piercing while our son believed he was agreeing to two. When the discrepancy was discovered the poop hit the fan (to put it nicely). Arguing, yelling, and angst followed. Both sides polled facebook friends to see what their opinion was. Surprisingly(LOL) most of the over 40 crowd was "against" and the younger generation was "for". Since it was eventually established that two piercings were not going to happen, our son agreed to one. It's a proud moment when a father takes his 15 year old to the mall to get his ear pierced. Even prouder when you run into people you know from church. As Erik saw the church ladies approaching, he strategically started walking diagonally away from the earring piercing counter (close call).

This event took place last year and I am getting over it. I fine with it (I think). Well, lets just say I don't want to argue about it anymore. Our church picture appointment with Olan Mills is tomorrow. Yesterday, my son asked if he could get a haircut (wow, I thought, he really cared about looking nice for this church picture). He then tells me of his plans for a Mohawk. Really........really? Luckily, without much yelling or family turmoil, he agreed to wait until AFTER our picture is taken. I am not excited about the idea, but feel blessed he was willing to wait without much hassle. This is a battle I choose not to fight.

My Teenager would never lie because I am a very honest person, his dad and I are great role models and we go to church every Sunday........and other delusions

So I have this son who is a really great kid, really he is. He has always gotten great grades, stayed out of trouble, nice friends, etc. He would NEVER lie because, well we have such a great relationship.

One weekend he told me he was spending the night with a friend from church. Okey dokey, no red flags there. Kid from church - check. Know the parents - check. A few weeks later I see friend from church's mom at my weekly Bible study. I say to her, "thanks for having my son over for the weekend a few weeks ago." This comment was met with a blank stare. "uhh, hmmm, when?" she said. "you know that weekend a few weeks ago" I replied. "uhh that must have been the weekend I was away". RED FLAG - RED FLAG.

Luckily this child of mine typically caves when confronted. When I asked him what friend from church's mom made for breakfast for them, he just said, "oh, we got our own breakfast". Hmmmm. "Well, I saw her at my Bible study and she says she doesn't remember you being there." He then has the deer in headlights look on his face....he caves.

Turns out he spent the weekend in a fraternity house at the University of Central Florida. This is while he was still in high school. His dad and I would have actually let him go,  but I guess he didn't want to take the chance of asking. Point being - TEENAGERs LIE like dogs. There must be something in their brains that just flips into gear when they have a plan that mom and dad might not approve of. Gotta love them, but don't trust them - LOL!

This isn't what I signed up for!

I have to admit my main goal in life has always been to have children. As a child I really didn't even care if I ever had a husband or not, I just knew I wanted kids. Back then my understanding was that you needed an actual husband to have babies, so out of necessity I wanted that too. Looking back, that was a good thing.

My plan was to meet my future husband in college, get married shortly after college, and then have adorable, well behaved, easy to take care of babies. Okay, so I found my man, had the babies. Of course I would have no behavior issues with my kids because they would be related to me for heaven's sake!

My first child cried for an entire year, and my second was extremely strong willed and stubborn. I figured that motherhood must be the most difficult thing in the world, and questioned why I ever thought I could handle such a thing. Other "older" moms with teens would tell me, "you think this is hard, wait until they are teenagers". "HA", I thought. Surely they don't understand or remember how hard it is to be a mother of small children. MY future teenagers will be perfectly behaved, adore me, and never EVER lie or misbehave.

Looks like they got the last laugh. Being a parent of a teen is the hardest thing I have ever done and it is my goal to use this blog as a way to share and connect with other parents of teens. Along with struggling to parent a teen, there is also a lot of laughter along the way. And it's better to laugh, than cry!