Keeping it Real

I have always considered myself a shy person. I feel comfortable not being the center of attention and enjoy observing people and how they act in different situations. When I was a child it always irritated me that adults  could be in a bad mood at home, but when the phone rang they became, what seemed like, very pleasant and friendly.  My grandmother was the beautiful Southern Belle who morphed into a completely different person when other people were around. Her voice, her expressions, her body movements - completely changed when friends were around. As a teenager, I despised this! I couldn't believe how fake she could be!!! (as a side note, I now realize and appreciate who she was and absolutely adore her and her memory. I honestly miss her and her Southern kindness and love every single day). But, at the time, she drove me nuts. I vowed to not be a fake person and try and act the same around my family as I do around friends. This of course is impossible, but I think I am on the "non fake" end of the spectrum.

Anyone who has been around Erik and me for any length of time has probably seen us bicker about things. Anyone who has been in a Bible study or Life Group with me knows I have some personal struggles. I don't hold back or try to give the impression of a person who has no flaws. I like this quality in other people as well.  I can relate to people who aren't perfect. Have you ever gotten one of those Christmas card newsletters and wanted to slit your own throat? Stories of beautiful people with beautiful, smart, athletic, successful and flawless children. I have come away from some of those letter thinking - "wow, in comparison, my life sucks". After a few moments I realize that this letters typically represent families who are trying to convince themselves that they have perfect lives and perfect children. News FLASH - no one does!

In this blog I have been very honest about my struggles to try and be a good parent. I have been honest about the issues my family deals with and my own insecurities. Yesterday I received a seething facebook message about how hurtful my blog must be to my children. This person couldn't seem to hold back the anger towards me anymore. It made me question myself and this blog. The last thing in the world I would want to do is hurt my children. My main goal in life was always to be a mother and I love my kids with all my heart. I would honestly die for each one of them. They have been shown love, respect, care, and kindness in this home. I really don't want to try and defend my parenting, because that is not the point.

The goal of this blog is to "be Real", to reach out to other parents who may have some of the same struggles and issues. I could write a blog about how beautiful, smart, talented and wonderful my children are - and I truly believe they are, but who would learn anything from that or be comforted by that? As I am considering continuing with this blog or not, I would truly appreciate any positive feedback and reluctantly accept any negative feedback (LOL).